Monday, February 28, 2011
I'm a 20 year-old...kid :)
A very common, applicable to all kids who has ever stepped into school, is the time when your teacher asks you to write a composition titled "My Ambition". Since young, we've been taught (or rather expected) to have a goal in mind, a dream job to achieve, an ideal state of happiness that we all aspire to reach. Its like the essence of it is to let us know that we have to grow up, to make us grow up. But is there a black-and-white rule that states at a "this" age a kid must know what he wants in life?
With this "ambition" imbue in us, we grow up, working our way through the education system so that we can attain that status. Though some of us throughout the way might have gained new insights that sway our original mindsets, it still dosen't stray us away from the path of achieving this "ambition". Sounds like an ideal world huh.
But many a times, practicality of life sets in. You might say you don't like it, but that's life. For purposes such as earning enough to support your future family, or even to conform to society's norm, there are times when we must give up the ambition of ours, to take on the tasks of a stable 8-5 job. A job nonetheless, but less desire in it. No doubt having such a job could possibly provide you with the ideal "ambition"(as society deems), of having enough money which many links to luxury, but is this really The Ambition.
I'm not saying that a 8-5 job office job is bad, nor even those who have high paying non-office jobs. I'm just questioning that through this life journey we all take, how many of us actually miss out on the initial, the very first budding thought that springs into our mind when we form this ambition, when we were only kids.
As kids, all we wanted was to do something fun, something interesting, something that we feel will make us happy. An astronaut to explore the vast space, a sailor to plough through the waves, a pilot to soar the skies, or even a meaningful job like a fireman to be the hero and save the lives of many in need. These were what we deemed as fun, as what we wanted. There might even be ppl who aspire to have a 8-5job. But by the ups and downs of life, we learn that fun isn't always the way. There are more important things than fun, which is kinda sad. It's not that we dun want fun, its we can't. From somehing so pure as a kid's wish, it gets contorted to suit the norm.
So to those who are lucky enough to be able to serve the job of their childhood dreams, good for you. Otherwise, we seek happiness from other sources, material goods mostly, judging our happiness by the things you can actually touch and feel. The loss of the flare of a kid's ambition, is what makes some deem the adult world as cold. This is just a question of what we are all working so hard for, maybe even a deeper question of are we conforming to society's norm. While you might have an answer now, I'm sad to say in the end its still gonna be wrong, for practicality is the issue at hand.
Its what we have do to survive, not to live.
Here's an analogy for you:
I ask you to picture an image of a kid's room, what do you see. A room that's brightly coloured possibly, covered from ceiling to floor with colours that makes even the rainbow shy. A bed either of a designed frame that looks like a sports car for a boy or pinkish bed sheets with princesses printed all over it for the girl. Soft toys of animal could be seen bordering the bed, lucky the kid is still small enough to fit in. Played toys strewn all over the floor, the mess but a sign of the fun the kid was having. This is a room of wants.
An adult's room. Deemly coloured normally, with colours more "soothing" to the eye, like white wash or credits to the "funky" maybe even purple. A bed with bedsheets nicely straightened out, the pattern looking very classy. In the corner you have the multi-purpose desk. Make-up accessories littered all over it, a laptop propped up with its screen flashing 24/7. A wardrobe with 99% working clothes, not including those office wear that you might deem casual enough for outings. This is the room you need.
Now comes the elderly's room. An image of "old" comes into mind. Dust, dirt and grim. Brown is naturally the colour associated with such. But look beyond all that, if you have the "courage" to explore, its all because of all the things inside. All the things that the elderly prioritise as important, more important than the comfort that the idea of a large living space can offer. Boxes of books, accessories, photo albums, maybe even of soft toys. Its these things that are so valauble that they are willing to sacrifice the happiness of material wealth, or maybe its because they've realized. These are the things that they ultimately want, or at least hold memories what they once desired for. After working so long and hard through their lives, they've only filled the huge house until they are surrounded, surrounded by what they initially knew was what they wanted. This is the room they live in.
Let the kids sing and play,
so that we hear them,
as we once were too.
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Ok I didn't the above "inspirational" post to get so long. It was just a one liner that spawned in my head when I thinking of how I wanted to blog bout my new gundam, then somehow it extended to this 1hour long intro. But I've decided to shift it infront so that you readers can have the choice of skipping this lower part, cos it dosen't interest u.
Recently got a new addition to my gundm collection, 1/144 HG 00 Qan[T]. Its a new gundam from the 00 movie, but that's not the point. The point is that I nearly forgot the joy of fixing a gundam sia...OMG. It's been almost like close to 10 months since I built a gundam. It almost felt foreign at first. But luckily, the joy of sitting down for hours, slowly detailing the pieces with the marker and then joining them all together is something I haven't forgotten.
Look at how crowded my cupboard has become!
Imba huge sword. Notice the black lines on the legs, those are hand drawn :)
Another look at the sword, in gun mode.Ya that's just me. I like such things since I was young, and am proud to say that up till now, at the age of 20 I still treasure these. I don't find anything wrong with enjoying modelling, its a proper hobby. Its the joy of seeing something slowly form in your hands, and you know that you have put the effort into creating every single piece of it.
Maybe its not even modelling that I like, maybe I just like gundams. I've always been attracted to such shows, admittedly said in some previous post long long ago too. Even till now I'm still catching up on the current Super Sentai and Kamen rider (Japanese power rngers and masked riders) series. So what if I'm 20? Can't I watch such shows. Its nice(well not 100% of thetime) and its entertaining, that's why I watch it. I dun expect everyone to understand the joy of watching such shows, just like I dun expect everyone to appreciate the art of modelling. But the main thing is, I dun need to. I'm doing these things for myself, cos I want to. I enjoy doing these. So if any of you readers dun understand, not my problem ;p HAHA.
Bokuwa Gundam!
Revealed on [3:05 AM]
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Nobody escapes the wrath of my grandma, not even the army HAHA!
Kinda self-explanatory. It's my mum's bday, so we went to marina barage to eat. 7th Storey Restaurant. Had their ala carte steamboat, which is quite of standard. The soup was very nice. Was actually hoping to take some very nice photos there but the weather was very cloudy, so lighting wasn't that nice to take photos.
Then after we went over to Changi Airport to eat Swensen's Ice cream hehe :). Ordered a mudpie for the 1st time, Hazzelnut Cappucino. It was yummy! 1 layer of mocha ice cream, 1 layer cake then another layer of ice cream, drizzled with hot caramel sauce and hazzelnuts. Woohoo! Fat-inducing goodness sia!
Actually, I never thought much about birthdays, at least once I got older that is. When I was a kid(and I believe it applies to most ppl as well), birthdays are just a good reason to get presents, the rare chance to buy the toys that you like. That's kinda the purpose of birthdays then. But now that I'm older (oh the big 20), birthdays are like...birthdays. Its not a really special occasion or what, just one year older. Maybe this stems from my thinking that ppl dun just grow more mature cos they are one year older. Rather, ppl mature through the year, undergoing the ups and downs of the year and slowly gain the exprience of life. It ain't a 1 day thing, but a slowly piece by piece joined together puzzle. So ya you dun need to have your birthday to signify that you're more mature.
Dun get me wrong, I dun hate birthdays. I just dun see the High point of it, like 21st birthdays and all. But I do like birthdays because its a reason for friends and family to gather together, and spend quality time with each other. Its a time where you eagerly await the surprises you know your friends are gonna throw for u, just that you haveno idea what surprise it will be. And you know that your family will be at home to celebrate your birthday with you no matter what. That's why I like birthdays, its not because of being one year older, its cos of the sense of belonging that you feel in that ppl care about you :).
Happy Birthday Mum!
Revealed on [6:00 PM]
Friday, February 25, 2011
You can't choose who to crush on, but you can choose whether to continue it.
Thisis a topic that applies to both girls and boys. We're all looking for the perfect one for us, even though perfect in itself is an understatement. And during this search through the crowd of millions other humans whom we share this land with, some of us might mature and start discovering actual qualities in the opposite partners that we are looking for.
But somehow in a relationship, far and apart, no matter how different every single one of us might be, no matter how stark the characteristics of our partner should differ, one thing is always the same, in that we look for the attractive ones. True not all place high value on outward appearance, but its definitely a factor that all has considered/ are considering. Guys look for the girls that look the most beautiful, either looking hot or cute to whichever their preference, while girls look for the guys who are handsome or hunky. And in turn, in order to "survive", we try to look our best. Be it using your own willpower to do PT or to go on diets, or spending money to buy very beautiful dresses/shirts, even to the extreme of plastic surgery, in the end it all serves One purpose, to attract the opposite gender.
So what's all the deal about finding an attractive other half? Yes I know that it dosen't hurt to have a very pretty gf walking around with you, but I mean what's the true meaning behind it all. In the end, its all just outward appearance only. So if you work very hard and then get the prettiest girl in the school...then what next? She's pretty, that's the end of story liao. The most you get is when u wake up (assuming the one u marry is your gf eventually) and you see a pretty face Everyday. But won't you get sian of it? I mean ya a pretty face's a pretty face, but that's not all ma.
In the end, its the character that we all want. We're looking for a partner, not a statue. We want someone we can talk with, someone on the same frequency as us, who might not share our beliefs in life but accepts it, someone whom we love. Love is a big word, enccompassing more meanings than I could ever type out here, and while I know that looks play a part in love as well, but I dare put my foot down and say its Definitely not a determining factor.
But that still dosen't solve the fact of why we're all looking for chio bu/chio gongs out there. In the end after all this talk I can't pinpoint any specific reason why still. Maybe its cos of our instincts, something inherent in us? I really have no idea...
if you're the one I'm looking for
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
She's the one I look at,
who holds my gaze,
however dodgy it seems.
But you are different,
for I don't look at your eyes,
instead you.
I can't talk to her,
like the way I do to you,
maybe that's why.
I am closer to you,
for there's no awkardness,
could that be why.
Sometimes I tink,
I try too hard towards her,
which is why.
There were times i wished,
the places were swapped,
but I know that's wrong.
It's because you're unlike her,
or maybe she's unlike you,
so that's why.
You're just not her,
because you dun have to be,
because you are not.
And that's the reason why,
I dare to call you,
my pd.
:)
Revealed on [5:53 AM]
Sunday, February 20, 2011
It's ok to cry. Let it out, the world can take it.
I was lucky enough to be able to bookout on friday, such that it allowed me to meet up with Michelle once more before she flies off.
Its quite amazing to see how one person, just one girl (and not a very tall one at that ;p), can have such a significant impact on so many people. I'm sure we can testify that Michelle's a great friend. Somehow, its very easy to talk to her, like you can just tell her all your troubles, and the best thing is that you know she'll be listening. Its because of this that you know she will be there for you always, and vice versa you want to be there for her whenever she needs you. So that's the reason we're all so close to her, and thus all the more make her flying off even more painful to bear.
While the bond makes the seperation harder, the very same bond is the obe I hold on to the faith that she won't forget us. She went to NZ for 6 months. Yes she did come back with a little changes here and there, but down to the very core, she's still Michelle in essence, the Michelle that we all know. I take heart in the fact that during the 6 months she took the effort to remain in contact with us, bearing in mind its not easy for 1 person to stay in touch with 10 of us, needless to say about our blur Michelle. No doubt 2 years is a really long time, whether she will change, or how drastic will the University life there change her character, I can't predict for sure. But for now, She's still Michelle, just a little further away from us than we would prefer it to be.
Will miss ya alot gal. Stay in touch k!
Revealed on [1:40 AM]
Saturday, February 19, 2011
With great power comes great responsibility...but its responsibility to who?
Xiong ah. That's like the word I've been using alot recently to describe my army life, during the preparation period and actual exercise now. Its all about working, rushing from place to place, from time to time, down to the very last minute, be it for the task or for myself. I guess its just a very stark difference from when I just entered which was the lull period then. But from the grey clouds there's always the sunlight behind it, of which through this I can see the style of work which I put myself through.
I deem myself as the kind that is very...responsible (pardon my "zi lian"ness if it sounds so). I am the kind of person you put me up to something, whether as an in-charge of a whole section of men or as a measily small fry with a beyond simple task (eg like running errands), I will put all my effort into it. Its just the sense of responsibility that I feel when I'm entrusted with work, especially so when I'm in-charge.
The person believes in my capabilities to accomplish the assigned task, so shouldn't I do a good job out of it, or at least to the maximum of my abilities. I will plunge head-in to the task, only with the end goal in mind, not stopping till its reached. I don't know where I get the energy from, but I will just plough through everything. So I can just do and do and do, even if its past mealtimes I will also continue do and do and do. I can send my men in batches to go eat, when I myself still doing all the way. And sometimes, after it all, I am amazed with myself how during the whole chaos I could multi-manage so much stuff in my mind, what goes where, who does what, check progress, report progress and even answer quetions that are not even in my job scope. Like Wow. So yup, though hard, the sense of accomplishment is there :)
But there's another side to this kind of working style. Sometimes I think I work too hard. How should I put this, its like I work so hard its ok for myself, but there are points of time where I feel as if I am imposing onto others, like my superiors. No doubt they did assign me the task (bearing in mind orders came from high high above), but its like my workstyle conflicts with their need to ensure "care for soldiers". For example, my self-imposed delayed mealtimes. I think delayed mealtimes is ok, heck even missig one meal is within my limits, but not within my staff's limits. He must make sure his men eat. So ya, there are times he must remind me to eat, or at times force me to eat, which I think its kinda funny. There was once I kinda had "no" time for bfast, then he got me a kitkat crunchy to eat instead. One of the funniest time was when he said "Dalvin, I bar you from here for 2 hours, go and rest."I look at him and I was like O.o HAHA! Even my section 2IC sometimes ask me to go and rest la. So does this count as responsibility to others.
Am I really working too hard?
Then I started thinking how I got such a workstyle. I realised its not a matter of how, but rather I think I learned from my mum. She's a workaholic at times. She can work and work in the office until dunnoe what time, then come home liao then eat dinner which is even more dunnoe what time liao. On weekends, she can even bring her laptop home to clear emails, then ask her to come out for lunch, she will "orh" but never come out, until you irritate her enough then she will come out and eat. So maybe I take after my mum? Oh ya and before I forget, HI MUM!
Back to the topic. I don't work so hard just for anybody, or rather at least till now I haven't. You need to really respect the commander then you will be willing to put in such efforts to serve them. On this note, I must say I have the best command team Ever. Seriously my Staff and Sir, which is my PWO and PC respectively, are imba nice to us. Its really beyond the nice of normal commanders sia. Like when we work late, they will work with us, and next morn wake up earlier than us. When we stay up to work late my Staff will treat us macs, which is super exp. And how many Staff and Sir can you openly joke and laugh around with them. And how many commanders will help you lay lines in the sun while you sit in the shaded porch for lunch. Seriously super nice to us. Which is why we are all so willing to work for them. No doubt we all do until very "du lan", but its because of them that we do it. That day I was booking out with my senior, and we were saying "If not for our Staff and Sir, we would've all taken status a long time ago." This only shows how important a good command team is to the men.
Super lucky to have gotten into this platoon :)
Revealed on [4:49 AM]
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Not much time...
Super tiring week of not enough sleep and alot of brain power.
This weekend has been rather rush, considering I onli had one sat at home to achieve what I normally do in 2 days. Which also explains why this post is so short.
Sat morn went to my family to Sentosa to see the Flower exhibition. Not something that my family has been doing leh, maybe cos this year got dslr camera plus got resorts sands so maybe go there jalan jalan abit lo. The weather was OMG...so hot, should have worn a singlet there. Took photos, I wasn't much of a flower person la, jus go there look for inspirational photos.
After that was gof at Clarke Quay. Went to this Western(it was Italian actually), but our planner said western so ya. To her its either "Zhong chan" or "Xi chan" Haha! But the food was good, or rather what I ordered la, the food others ordered they say was ok onli. Maybe the risotto was good too, butI saw the portion like cmi. But the price was good. I ate main plus soup and it was $9 :). Then after that went to walk around abit, walked through the clubbing street or clarke quay, then see ppl pay $40 to scream their lungs out while we laugh at them. Lastly was camwhore at central. No choice my last time seeing mich ma.
So come and gone mich's about to leave again. And once again, I wun be able to send her off. First time I was lying in the shellscrape in somejungle, now I'm gonna be in some aircon tonner feeling vry tired. All army's fault la. There are times I wished I could've spent more time with her, but time just dosen't allow it. I guess life just dosen't suit you all the time. And since I wun be around to blog when mich leaves, here's wishing you(mich) all's well in NZ. Hope to see you soon!(depending on when you return).
Its been a tiring week, but this is even more tiring...
Revealed on [7:13 AM]
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Meer words dun decide my fate.
Every chinese new year people start to pay attention to the zodiac predictions, like whether it would be a good year anot,how lucky you get, luckiest colour and number, tao hua yun("meh meh"s and horse are supposed to be very lucky in this aspect this year) etc etc. Be it on channel 8 shows, at River Hongbao or at temples, its everywhere. And the strangest of things is, they all say different things.
Which makes me think. To what extent is this true, and how much do people actually believe in it. Sometimes its quite amazing people actually just listen to a few words said by others and they believe in it so much that they change their lifestyles for it. But how do we know what these people said are true? From a scientific point, a year is just simply a single rotation of the earth around the sun (taken from the point of a 20 year-old teen), which means that after one year, its just another round about the exact same path, therefore meaning nothing should be changed physically in the sense of Earth itself, much less in such things like Luck which do not even have any scientific explanation to it. So logically speaking we shouldn't believe in it right. And especially hen not so long ago when the english zodiac (meaning aquarius and all) got a rather major shift in it, so does this mean that you are no longer who you are because of the change, and that you will change into another person overnight?
But there are many things that we can't explain as well, but still we carry on with them. Like traditions, which have no scientific sense in them, but are passed down since belief from our forefathers. Its not so much as a blind faith anymore, but a connection between us and our past. Some of us let it go because we do not believe in it, while others hold on to it to preserve what's left of our forefathers, or whatevr reminders we have of them. So maybe that's what is going on here?
So in the end do you want to believe in it? I say there's nothing wrong with listening to it right.
*scurries off to find a gf* HAHA!
Revealed on [3:06 AM]
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Huat ah!
Its the time of the year again, where red is the In colour of the season, eating fattening food is ok, boys and gals all dress up. This year's CNY is 4 days long, which is jus purely awesome! Starting with leaving camp at wednesday afternoon (thks to my Staff and Sir for holding the fort for us while we all go back home to enjoy our reunion dinner). Tired after 2 days of lack of sleep(no 8 hours of uninterrupted rest HAHA), I managed to "shou shui", or at least till around 1am la.
After that is jus the usual going for bainians, seeing relatives that I only get to see once a year. Oh and to get to wear my new clothes which are so kindly sponsored by my mum :). Love this new set of clothes that I got. The cuts are nice and really fitting. Ok enough with the zi lian. Back to CNY. Apart from my relative's house, for GOF I got to go to Mich's, Wendy's and Zhiyong's(to be confirmed later cos I'm posting this in the morn haha!) house. So a tally of that means that I've been to almost all of GOF's house cept Jiayen's and Diane's lo.
And of course something you can't avoid during this festive is all the wonderful food!!! Yummy!!! And with a dslr, pictures speak louder than words! Pls refrian from salivating over your keyboards ;p
Nom Nom :)
Revealed on [6:11 PM]
Who's going to talk with me about chocolate sauce now?
pmd
Revealed on [8:21 AM]
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Its not a breath of life, but a sigh of helplessness...
Recently I find myself texting the word "Haiz" alot. This is not a simple word with a negative connation of being sad, but an added perspective of being not in control, a sense of helplessness. Needless to explain, there are many instances in life where things are beyond our control, no matter how much we wish for it to be. And being in army certainly dosen't help out at all. But this is life. You suck it up and carry on. The most you can do, or are allowed to do, is complain lo. Though in the end, complaining dosen't pose of any positivity to solve the situation at all.
Like a roller coaster ride, my emotions have been rushing up and down, mostly on the down end. And its not gradual at all...its like one minute there's something for me to be happy about, then boom down again. The helplessness against the control of such emotions is just...urgh. But I try to remind myself that whenever such things happen, there are people worst of then me, my life's considered rathr blessed already. Which is true. Things would've been alot worst if I'm not where I am or with who I'm around with now, or else I dunnoe what state I would be in already.
Still, acceptance of the situation alone dosen't remove one's feelings towards it. I might understand the circumstances and events thatlead up to this, I tell myself that the things that happen isn't entirely within my control, but there's nothing in stopping myself from feeling that its because I didn't do what I could that's why this happened. Its a self-explanatory mentality, or some might call it self-pity. Point is now, I can't not feel, but what's stopping me from not feeling...
Do I know what feeling is this,
my heart says yes,
mentally I say no.
I feel lost not bcause of what,
but of why its this way,
and which to feel.
Like listening to music,
there are parts I smile,
the others frown.
Am I looking forward,
to the happy parts only,
or disappointment ending.
This is what I go through,
but I can't end it,
cos I am not strong enough.
I just want you to know,
so that you do,
perhaps never too.
Am I too afraid...
Revealed on [12:04 AM]