Me as in me

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Wednesday, February 2, 2011

.:. Haiz .:.

Its not a breath of life, but a sigh of helplessness...

Recently I find myself texting the word "Haiz" alot. This is not a simple word with a negative connation of being sad, but an added perspective of being not in control, a sense of helplessness. Needless to explain, there are many instances in life where things are beyond our control, no matter how much we wish for it to be. And being in army certainly dosen't help out at all. But this is life. You suck it up and carry on. The most you can do, or are allowed to do, is complain lo. Though in the end, complaining dosen't pose of any positivity to solve the situation at all.

Like a roller coaster ride, my emotions have been rushing up and down, mostly on the down end. And its not gradual at all...its like one minute there's something for me to be happy about, then boom down again. The helplessness against the control of such emotions is just...urgh. But I try to remind myself that whenever such things happen, there are people worst of then me, my life's considered rathr blessed already. Which is true. Things would've been alot worst if I'm not where I am or with who I'm around with now, or else I dunnoe what state I would be in already.

Still, acceptance of the situation alone dosen't remove one's feelings towards it. I might understand the circumstances and events thatlead up to this, I tell myself that the things that happen isn't entirely within my control, but there's nothing in stopping myself from feeling that its because I didn't do what I could that's why this happened. Its a self-explanatory mentality, or some might call it self-pity. Point is now, I can't not feel, but what's stopping me from not feeling...

Do I know what feeling is this,
my heart says yes,
mentally I say no.

I feel lost not bcause of what,
but of why its this way,
and which to feel.

Like listening to music,
there are parts I smile,
the others frown.

Am I looking forward,
to the happy parts only,
or disappointment ending.

This is what I go through,
but I can't end it,
cos I am not strong enough.

I just want you to know,
so that you do,
perhaps never too.

Am I too afraid...

Revealed on [12:04 AM]

_____________

Gundam Freak

No one ever knows boku no oto
Doko made mo shinka suru
Mada shiranai jibun ga mezameteku
________________________________________

Name: Dalvin

He values friendships to the highest degree. He may seem quiet to those who do not know him, but for the fortunate who do they know he is always there for them whenever they need it, wherever they need it. He puts great importance in his honour, and will do anything to uphold it.

Luvs:
Family
Friends
Teachers
Gundam!!!
Japanese Music
Kamen Rider
Anime

Training academies:
St Gabriel's Primary School -> 1D,2D,3B,4B,5A,6A
St Gabriel's Secondary School -> 1E3,2E3,3E1,4E1
Yishun Junior College(1st 3 months) -> P09
Nanyang Junior College -> 0804

________________________________________
No one ever knows my sound
I everlastingly evolve
A part of myself that I wasn't aware of is awakening.

the One-Winged Angel
Imperfection at its best

Taiyou ni akogarete
Takaku takaku tonda tsubasa
Sono netsu ni tokasareta
Fukai umi e to ochite yuku

Odayaka na minamo ochita namida no hitoshizuku ga nami wo tate
Sono nami wa kaze ni fukare haruka kanata ni made mo todoku you ni

Tsuki ga sotto kata wo tataki
minamo utsushite kureta kiiro michi
________________________________________________

Looking up to the sun
Flying high, up high on wings
The heat dissolves them
and he falls into the deep sea.

A single tear drops into the serene water, creating a wave
That wave is blown by the wind and reaches far away.

The moon gently massages my shoulders
reflecting a yellow path on the water surface.

________________________________________________

Slowly carving a path through the world by on his own...