Saturday, January 15, 2011
.:. Self reflection post .:.
I tone my body not for others to see, but to look nice in clothes.
As the title suggest, this is gonna be a post about me (wait duh...isn't that what this blog is about...pft). Now's about the start of 2011, which means I've been a 8 month soldier, of which its all been in Training Institutes so far, less the few days in actual unit this year. So I was thinking I should do a self-reflection post, to see how I've change to mark this phase of my NS journey.
So I took some time before sleeping to rack my brain to come up with a list, as well as ask some of my close friends, cross reference the points and viola, presenting to you the expressed traits of Dalvin ever since he entered NS.
1) Negativity : This is most probably the trait with the highest rate of occurence, sad to say so. Let's just put this bluntly then. I whine alot. Yes W-H-I-N-E, and I do it alot. And it applies to alot of stuff, like going outfield la, getting guard duties and such. During the start of my NS I whined alot alot alot, mostly thru sms to my poor friends who have to endure it constantly. I did mentally prep myself to enter NS and all, but I never said I will not complain about it along the way. I guess its that extra bit of negativity that spills over from the already sianess of NS. And with no avenue of escaping these extra "benefits", whining is the onli source of relief I guess.
And extrapolation from this point. I've also become increasingly comparative. In the sense that I will compare what I do, with what my other friends are doing. So to say, when I go outfield and my friend's happily in camp, I will complain again. Its like no matter what I do, I will compare with others. I.E to say, I am not the slackest amongst GOF's guys' postings. Though recently I am trying to change, and have am taking into heart that my posting is already of the lucky few already(up till now) so yup, noted. Will try to complain less...or lesser at least.
You know what, since I started with a negative trait, I shall continue on, and after negative will be positive then. So besides Negativity being the top visible trait, the rest at the bottom are not in order of merit, or demerit per say.
2) Materialistic : This is also a sum of quite afew little bits and pieces of me that I've realised I've picked up since NS. If you've been following my blog you would have heard this before, more than just a couple of times actually, I'm becoming more vain. I'm putting this characteristic here because being vain, in turn means a change in wardrobe. Rather than the over-sized graphic T-shirts I use to favour, now I'm hunting Shirts that have a proper suiting cut for me, which means body hugging to a certain extent. I'm also doing my PT regime for the same reason. Jus like the quote for this post, which is from a certain rather famous idol, its just means I'm caring more bout how people look at me, which is measured in terms of outward appearance. I know this is not healthy, but I can't help it (I am in the stage of life where I want a gf...muahaha!). Though up till now I hvnt been splurging on clothes, jus conveniently using CNY to add things I want into my wardrobe hehe.
Under this point too, I'm becoming materialistic in the sense of how I measure my happiness as well. For example GOF outings. 7 days a weeks, of which 5 days are spent in camp. I desperately desire that one day of social interaction, no matter how minimal it could be, ranging from major imba outings like GOF Formal to jus lunch, I need it. I find that it will generally determine my mood, for I always look forward to saturdays, starting from sunday nite. Its the seeing of their faces and getting to sit down n laugh together that reminds me that there is actually life for me outside of camp. This applies for sms as well. I do sms ppl in the day, but normally the bulk of it comes at nite. Its during the admin time that i can lie down on my bed and jus keep smsing ppl, to help relieve me out of army context for awhile. So sometimes when my friends are busy I got no one else to talk to, it kinda dosen't bring a smile to my face.
So how am I going to change this. Hmm I dun foresee myself splurging on anymore clothes anytime soon so tat's fine. As for the measure of happiness part, I'm trying to see the little bits of life that reminds me to be happy, like time in bunk, nites out or to find back the true joy of listening to music. Though these will take awhile, but I'll try!
3) Elitist : Yes sad to say, I am also a sufferer of the "I am proud" syndrome now. Some might think otherwise, but to me, being a Sergeant of the SAF is something to be proud of too. Yes we are not offiially commisioned like the Officers, nor did we undergo 9 months of rigorous training, but still we did what was expected and required of us to attain the rank I so proudly don on now. Which has resulted in me developing a certain kind of elitist perception. Its like when I see men around, I get the urge to do better than them at least. Maybe its from trying to always do my best, I find myself looking down on "Chao Keng" in army. Its like they can do the task, but just because of the lack of will they don't even bother trying, and that just irks me.
Granted this could be because I'm used to the Institute mentality. Now that I'm in a unit, and I get my men, I actually find them to be not that bad. No doubt they do slack whenever they can, but they know their priorities, their responsibilities and do the things that have to be done first. Maybe its just cos I haven't gotten alot of chance to bond with them yet, but with time to come I hope this mentality will go away.
Finally, positivity!!!
4) Perseverance : I know that my body can "tahan" alot more than it use to be able. Its all in the mind, think of keep going, not stopping. I know that I can achieve what I set my mind onto, at least physical aspects in general. I have trust in the system that what is set is achievable, and the motvation that those before me have already done it. And so far, this thinking hasn't failed me yet. To date, I have taken everything that's thrown at me, and have not fallen out from anything yet. Possibly my proudest achievement still, besides from being a Sergeant. Lets hope I will be able to continue this on, and learn how to apply this not only physically but mentally as well. There are other things in life that require perseverance as well, and alots of it too.
5) Relationships : I don't know if there's a trait named for this, but I am definitely more family and friend oriented now that I've entered army. Needless to say, it extends from being coopd up in camp majority of the week, cut from all outside ties. Like the saying goes "Absence makes the heart fonder". You don't chreish something until you've lost it. So out of my weekends, its now seperated half for gof, the other half for family. I make it a point to have a gof every, as long as most people are free, even if its just for a chat. Huge events like GOF Formal are just extraordinary events that add to the awesomeness. Sometimes, I'm amazed we aren't bored of each other haha! Ok back to the point, now I place more emphasise to ensure time to spent with both groups of people. In the past, it could be said that I do take things for granted, like daily family dinner. But now, going back home on fridays on dinner is just :).
This is something I'm certainly going to keep up and not let it die down.
Wow this was a long post. That's all points I've managed to compose up to so far. Nothing else is like a strking trait that haven't been mentioned. Unless you've noticed something that has changed in me that I failed to notice then please do throw in opinion, then I can add into this post futher. But for now, these are the good and the bad that have either been inculcated or developed in me, so the good I will keep and improve on it, the bad I will try my best to change.
Revealed on [5:46 AM]
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