Thursday, December 30, 2010
Can I not flip the coin and choose?
Come and gone another year has gone by like that. But this year was probably the most special, or rather most differentiating, in the sense that I'm no longer going to a new school or tertiary level this past year, but rather another phase of life, NS. Hence it has kind of resulted in a split in my life this year.
Shockingly, there's this part of pre-NS outings, where I spammed alot of it with GOF, but I didn't have much memory of it until I was reading through my archives for the year. Kinda shocking huh. Which is why one of the things I shall try to achieve for 2011, is to blog down every single significant event of my life, either plainly or coded in anyway that I can remember years down the road. This shall serve as a journal, as well as a reminder of thoughts or certain things that I am supposed to take note of, like self-improvemement and stuff.
That being said, I would say my current 8 months in NS, thus far, hasn't been exactly that bad, in a way more towards the slack side even. From BMT all the way to now a Serg, yes there were tough times that I had to grit my teeth to get through, but also I've heard worst of stories that makes me conclude this 8 months could have been worst, which thankfully wasn't.
And to not these 8 months go to waste, I'm already on my way to picking some habits that I believe would be good for me. For example, now that I'm drawing an allowance, I do watch my spending alot more wiser than I use to, making sure in value for money in everything I get. I do not state the amount that I save, but rather the amount I am limited to spend within, which is a better way in my opinion. Also, another thing NS has imbue in me is the need to keep fit. I personally feel that it would utter a failure of life to leave NS without a fitter body, in that sense some chest muscles, considerable arm strength (no need for big budlging biceps) and abs would be perfect. So nowadays I am putting myself through a training regime everynight if time permits.
Another huge change in me, whether is this because of NS I'm not entirely sure. I am becoming more vain. Yes VAIN. I pay alot more attention to the way I dress now, particularly more inclined to Shirts cos I feel the cut is better. T-shirts that I'm getting now are also of a more tighter fit, as cmpared to the baggy tees that I use to favour. Whether this is good or bad I can't exactly pinpoint, so I'm gonna keep myself i check on this point, at least for now I dun feel I'm going overboard yet...YET.
As the year draws to a close(or rather closed already), its time to thank those who've been immensely important in helping me pull through this year. Firstly there's definitely my family. One thing NS has set into me, which I am grateful for, is the importance of family. Calling home everyday is like a must do for me now, even though there isn't much to say. And every week booking out for home dinner is like heavenly :). Another thing I'm very thankful for, is the understanding of my parents. Saturday and Sundays are the only off days I have, of which I have to spend with my friends as well. Hence most of the saturdays, if not all, I spend with my friends. And my parents have understood my need for social contact, giving me the space to do so without much complains. Of that I am very happy. Thank you!
Naturally, the 2nd group I wan to thank is my friends, where GOF takes priority of course. Ever since I entered NS, we've met up almost once a week, except for some weeks when we can't help it. Nothing helps to pull me through the week better than looking forward to booking out to meet these great bunch of ppl on saturday, irregardless of what we are going to do, or not going to do. Specifically, thanks to Ryan for always hearing me complain bout my NS life, Sushan, Wendy and Sharon for making time for us on saturdays even though u have to study, the planners of GOF meetings (which changes here and there and constitutes me as well), and to everyone else in GOF that makes this clique the best eva! So grateful to have you guys as my close friends :) and still going strong.
Not much ppl left left to thank I guess. My life nowadays revolve around jus NS, friends and family. So mainly events to be thankful for left, like PMD, that 3 days of this fateful year and my Teaching Attachment Programme.
So that's the end of 2010 for me then. Another year gone, another comes. Let's hope things will stay great, or get even better this year :)
Revealed on [4:28 AM]
Hope, Faith, Love and Luck. That's what made these possible.
Pretty ain't it,
didn't know that such existed,
a plant that bears 3 flowers.
A beauty like this,
dosen't happen by chance,
but by fate.
As a cloamy base,
a little bit of love is needed,
actually two to be exact.
Water to wet the veins,
just like us sipping,
that cuppa aromatic coffee.
Sucking in air thru the leaves
enriching us,
with topics plucked from nowhere.
We open our petals wide,
not for the world to see,
just for us only.
Dalvin's
Best
Buddies
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Long I've waited,
for this day to come,
thou it got postponed.
You are different,
unlike her,
definitely unlike him.
The exchange of gifts,
isn't a convention by culture,
but of unspoken trust.
Its a relation not many understand,
I don the hat of your shadows,
you wear the sandals of my life.
The dessert was kept for you,
sweet as it is,
but nothing like you.
Awkard silence means nothing,
for I enjoy talkng to you,
like you can talk to me.
Please let this continue,
Mother needs you,
Daughter :)
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I was waiting for you,
like I've always been,
but I took the step.
Some say I shdn't,
my feelings say do,
semi-consciously I conceded.
Surprised you answered,
pleased that you did,
for me.
I thought it was better,
than it used to be twice,
but do you.
What happened is over,
and it ended good,
unexpectedly surprising.
Now I'm left in a daze,
dazed by your forwardness,
but my hesitation.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
You're another of them,
yet alittle different,
knowing more.
That's why I feel comfort,
in your presence,
like I hope u do.
The sun burns,
but I dun care,
for there's hot babe.
We walk not hand in hand,
instead camera with camera,
walking on the clouds.
Eyes pleased,
tummy "milk tea"-ed,
legs cui.
It rained as we walked,
as we ran,
as we laughed.
We managed to have seats,
for your hotness is,
warming the tea.
End of the year,
it might be,
but not our friendship :)
Revealed on [2:59 AM]
Monday, December 27, 2010
Sorry dosen't help to amend the pain. I know its not your fault. I just wish I could spend more time with you.
Because you are you.
pmd
Revealed on [6:47 AM]
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Self worth, or self's worth.
This post is kinda overdue. Some confidence issues brought about this idea to my head awhile back. But I had too much backlog on my posts, like events post which I prefer to do on the date itself, so I kept this idea till now.
Many a times I've mentioned in my such posts, in this society where now none of us are cavemen (I mean it literally), we depend on social interaction alot. And by doing so we are opening up ourselves for the world to see, for example blogging. Its kinda a vice versa reaction that is going ona a 2-way conduit between you and the society. You let the world see who you are, but you in turn become receptive to the world's opinion as well. Or more commonly known as, following the norm.
Because of this, there are times where I am wondering what determine's whether I am worthy. Worthy to who? My family, friends, society or even to my own expectations? Slowly bit by bit, I start to ponder, what does self worth really imply.
There's 2 ways you can interpret it. Self worth. Meaning how much one is worth (duh), not necessarily monetary wise, but also in terms of social status or in view the strength of relationships formed. So this means that actually your self worth isn't really self worth, but is deived from others. It's not what or how you see of yourself, but actually who you are in other's eyes. How can one improve one's self worth of this aspect. Its mostly kind of very surface level actually. To improve, or to have a high status so to say, a norm would be to dress up well infront of others, or act a certai way to conform to others. But in the end, this self worth isn't really "self" anymore...is it.
You stand by the road, see the cars zooming past. Each time the cars zoom past, you see a brief reflection of who you are, before the car is gone and you can't "see" youself again. Its the same thing. Are you going to let someone else, or something else in this case a car, determine whether you can see who you are?
Then you have the other interpretation. Self's worth, and as it suggests, it actually means your own judgement of yourself. Its a standard of how well you are in tune to the "you" that you want to be. Granted nobody's perfect in ths world, which means no one can actually be the "you" we all have in mind for ourselves, but rather becoming the "you", why not just accept who You really are. There's really no end to comparing to others, for they say the grass is always greener on the other side. No one will ever be satisfied with one's self, but that dosen't mean you can't be satisfied with "not being satisfied". You don't have to live a perfect life to live. Such is the idea I've been trying to adopt recently. I try not to let other's judgement of me affect me, I just want to be happy with myself. Its like singing, I know I can't hit the high notes, so granted I can't sing well, but I enjoy singing and hence I'm satisfied with that :)
Which of the 2 you choose to live your life with its up to you. I'm not going to contradict which i right or wrong, which is acceptable or not, for it would just mean that my opinion of you matters, and its no longer Self's worth.
We might be born into this world crying, but whether we die smiling is up to us...
Revealed on [7:23 PM]
Sunday, December 19, 2010
With Pride we lead...Specialists!
For the first I time I actually felt tired on a weekend sia. Had so many events that I didn't have time to rest properly at home, but they're all happy events so YAY!
Let's start with friday. After 8 months of NS, 6 months of BSLC and Pro-term, 3 days of marching despite the rain, I finally got my parents to put on my BLACK CHEVRONS for me :) Pure proud moment. I made up the decision to become a Serg during the early phases of BMT i remember, going along the train of thought that if I were to spend 1 year 10 months in army, I might as well make something out of it. So I decided to aim for the Sergent rank, which I so proudly put on now. It wasn't exactly a long wait compared to OCS, nor was it short. It was full of ups and downs, of my celebrating and whining altogether to my friends (so thk to you all for being there), and not forgetting my family support. Hence afterall this, I was really proud to be standing there on the parade square with so many parents looking at us (albeit I must admit my legs were burning from the long wait). And to make things even more special I got my friends to witness the occasion too. So its double happiness!
My family.
Thanks for coming people!
After the POP, which ended roughly around 7-8+pm, we went to dinner, of which my parents kindly sponsored (thks mum and dad!). Then we (Sushan, Mich, Ryan and me) went over to Serangoon Gardens for dessert. The 2nd storey place was too full, so in the end we had to make do with another. Which I must say wasn't tat good. The waiting time was very long, and they got our orders mixed up. But sometimes mistakes are good. Because of the mix up I got a Durian dessert, which was omg really good! You can really taste the durian in it, as in authentic durian taste not flavour. Sat down chatted awhile, then we left.
Sat morn, got dragged by my dad to Converse year-end warehouse sale. There wasnt really much to buy, I was looking for more on clothes. But I found this pair of really cheap shoes, $10. Its like men's leather working shoes, jus that instead of leather its cloth, dunnoe what its called. Then went to had roti prata for lunch. In the end, I was late for Kbox session. We (Sushan, Wendy, Zhiyong and me) were supposed to go to this cheap K place in chinatown, but it got fully booked. So we had no choice but to pay $30 for Kbox. Yes I know it was very expensive. But the room we got was like OMG! We all stunned when we entered it, it was H.U.G.E! There were 2 tv sets side-by-side (for what reason I dunnoe), and there was like one sofa for each of us HAHA! Too imba liao. I know it was very over-budget but considering I dun K often and its sort of a "Chinese-side" of gof thing, I dun mind la.
Chinese branch of GOF.
Kbox ended around 5+pm. Went over to Koi for sushan to satisfy her craving/hunger, OG and then proceeded to Dakota mrt. Ryan was there first, then us, then Ter and Mich, followed lastly by Jia Yen again. With inbetween quirks such as me and ryan screaming hungry, disovering sushan had double chin, bimbo antics and calculating BMI (Sushan you're UNDER-BMI get it!). With strength accounted for, we trudged over to old airport road hawker centre for FOOD! Took a long time finding seats, cos there was 8 of us, lucky ryan was good. And the good thing bout eating in huge group, more food!!! A list of what we ate. In increasing price order: $5 Char kway teow, $5 Rojak, $6 Oyster omellette, $8 Barbeque chicken wing, $15 Satay and $18 Claypot rice. AWESOME! Ate all the way till 10.30 then left. And jus to put in my blog so that in case I forget in future and when I read this I can remember. Sushan actually thought that mutton came from cows! HAHA EPIC PHAIL TTM! Maybe it was a confused lamb?
Sun morn. Got dragged out by my family to go orchard shopping lolz( Bcos we had this $20 313 somerset voucher)! In the end what happened. My mum bought for me 2 shirts, which I think are very awesome looking and the cut is good from Natural Project at $108 (OMG! I would never dare pay so much), shirt from Tangs for my dad. and some other random stuff. Which means we spent alot more than the $20 voucher even before reaching 313, and in the end we too tired that we jus spammed the voucher on snacks to bring home HAHA!
So now you see why I'm so tired. But it was all great! Like a post POP celebration for me.
Though I would say my post BMT celebration is still the best thus far hehe :)
Revealed on [4:50 AM]
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Your notes plays the strings of my heart.
Once and once again,
I find myself listening,
to your melodious voice.
I am in the crowd,
but I am alone,
cos I have you in my ears.
Lights flashes on and off,
infront of the darkness,
turning into a blur of images.
From there I recall,
the times we spend together,
just the 2 of us.
It wasn't much,
it wasn't by coincidence,
it was by choice.
I listen to your voice,
I try to sing along,
trying to match your key.
As if your oblivious to me,
you keep on going,
leaving me behind.
Like always I tag along behind,
trying to catch up to you,
but I can't.
Its like you don't care,
or its just my fault,
maybe I simply don't know.
But for now I do know one thing,
that is your melodious voice,
still kindles me.
my itouch...
Revealed on [11:33 PM]
Sunday, December 12, 2010
I can say that you are not supposed to read this, but in the end you still will...
Are we as far apart as you think we are.
Or is it just me that thinks you are far away.
I didn't know you do this,
but this is for you.
Revealed on [2:09 AM]
Saturday, December 11, 2010
My surname is papaya.
The earliest GOF outing in the history of GOF outings. Whe I first received the sms from sushan on tuesday(I think), mentioning we're meeting at 0730 at Tampines, I already had my doubt liao. As GOF's earliest riser even I find that early. But oh well went ahead anyway. In the end, me and mich reached first, followed by sushan (surprised anyone?), wendy, zhiyong and then ryan. And then lastly our grand entrance girl, jiayen. So in the end we left Tampines interchange at bout 8+ or 9 i tink.
We managed to reach pulau ubin safe and sound, journey rather smooth. Rented 7 "non-modifed with racing bike equipment" bikes and we're off. No map, no idea of the route and probably most of us first timers, and we're off. Ryan led the way, with me and zhiyong covering the back of the girls. Ad you would think that with a armour serg, a combat engineer and a to-be signal serg things couldn't go very wrong. Within 5 minutes of our journey we had our first and major accident liao. Our dear Michelle tried to chiong up a hill, failed and fell. Not only that, she somersaulted on the ground before she landed OMG! Scared the freaking hell out of all of us la. Lucky all she got was a wound on her knee and some cuts, comparatively little to how she fell.
After investigation, it was deemed the lousy makeshift basket's fault. It was pressing down on the brake wire, resulting in a perma break situation which caused mich to suddenly flip lo. So caringly ryan took her bike to go exchange, pushing it all the way back on one wheel onli...like a very tall wheelbarrow. With everything settled, bikes all checked up and ready to go again, we're off.
Up and down hill. Dirt, rock and concrete paths. Dodged people and cyclists. Hear NPCC cadets singing army songs when they aren't remotely near entering SAF yet. Then anotherincident happened. Somehow, wendy decided to go down a steep slope on her bike without braking, not exactly a wise decision huh. So down the hill, and down on the floor she goes. But her fall wasn't as bad, jus some cuts too. And the reason why she did what she did, she didn't see the sign which says "Steep Slope". Moral of the story, signs aren't just for drivers, cyclists please read and deem fit as to whether you should follow it too.
So ya 2 major incidents of a supposed relazing and scenery taking pulau ubin trip.
But it was still fun :). My 2nd time at pulau ubin, first time cycling there and its been awhile since I cycled. The path isn't exactly smooth as the one in ECP, its a dirt path after all. Which all the more makes for the challenge. And being in the army allows me to appreciate zooming through the forest path at a speed faster than 4km/hr and without a field pack on my back. Feel the wind in your hair! Also the scenery there is NICE! Not picturesteque nice but NICE! Should've brought a camera. My skills might not be comapratively...ok not even worth mention of Ryan's and Sushan's standard, but I know how to press the button ok :) Not everytime can go such places to take photo ma, should've seized the opportunity. Oh well that just means one thing. I want to go back to pulau ubin! And this time when I go back I want to spend more than half-a-day there, with my camera (not worth mentioning of) and slowly take photos :). Just like that lepak the day away.
That is if I'm free again...
Revealed on [7:03 AM]
Saturday, December 4, 2010
I will myself to do it...
The name would suggest,willpower, comes from one's will to accomplish something. It could be said that the desire for the end-result, be it a material product or an emotional achievement such as pride, would be the motivating force in getting it. Such as completing a 40klick march, under dire circumstances such as having a fever. But if you think it about it, where does the extra energy to push on come from, it might not even be "extra" in the first place.
Willpower comes into play when you're on the verge of giving up, when you feel that you have taken enough of watever is dished out to you and you just want to stop. You feel the world coming down on you, you're losing the normal sense of comfort you seek, and are outside your comfort zone. The cells in your body has expanded all the energy that they have, your pain treshhold has reached the peak and is increasing exponentially and your head's gonna explode. You don't know why your doing this, in the first place you might not the cause of you being in it.
With those thoughts, you get 2 groups of people. Those that give up, who throw in the towel and admit that they have reached their limit. Or those who press on, grinding on with their Willpower to succeed what their body and mind deem unachievable there and then. But here comes the question, if you have the strength to carry on, that just means your not at your limit yet. Otherwise, where else would the energy come from? From a biological point of view, energy dosen't appear out of no where in your cells, there's mitochondria. So technically speaking, Willpower dosen't "provide" us with the energy to go on, it makes us go on without us knowing whether our cells still have energy in them, until we collapse on the ground that is. So then is the only way to know your limit when you've reached it?
That I may never know, but what I know is, my Willpower was what got me through the 40klick march. The determination to not break my record of "No fallouts and No status" throughout my 8 months of NS so far :). Thou sometimes I do wonder...why do I push myself too hard?
Revealed on [8:55 PM]