Saturday, October 30, 2010
Qi Ge Long Dong Qiang Dong Qiang
Had a really great weekend :). Met up with ryan, ter and sharon for usual lan therapy. Got to try the L4D2 new campaign, though it isn't really as epic as the first few. Things are always like that, nothing is better than the first time. Then sharon had to leave for choir, so we grabbed a burger and walked her to Bras Basah. Then what do you do when there is ryan, ter and me and hours to spend, LAN la...duh. So its CoD time. Another 2 hours woohoo.
Ryan left for church, ter went home to catch a nap, and I went to jalan jalan on my own again. Dunnoe why for some reasons sometimes I jus to like walk through the streets alone, other times jus with a good friend, such a nice feeling. Then when I was at the lib, i received the "Message of epic fail". Apparently I checked the pricing for Sakae buffet wrongly, turned out to be $27! I was like "...omg why I so blur..." *slaps self* (so sorry people! Gomenme!). So in the end we ate at the NYNY (note to self: next time order the mozarella cheese chicken thingy). Proceeded to some random void deck for a more condusive environment to talk, and we had "random fact" session! Been so long since we did that :) Nice as always, somethings never change. I feel this is the best way to get to know one another. And you really feel the trust in the group of friends when you do such things, cos you know that when even you say even the "shock"iest thing on earth that noboday knew, still they will go "eh really ar? Wow. Ok but your still the *insert your name here* we know :)". Such a nice feeling. Though not all cliques have a random guy like ryan who is essential to get the ball rolling.
On the way back home, ryan was saying that he was thinking of doing a blogpost on how his gaming style reflects his personality, cool idea right. So I'm now going to steal his idea and do it first muahaha!
I play mainly First-person-shooter(FPS) games, namely Halo, L4D and CoD. I started playing Halo first, and my favourite weapon in it is the Sniper rifle. I will always start the game and have dibs on the sniper rilfe asap. An alternative to that would be the energy sword. Then in L4D2, I love the automatic rifle that has a scope, pure awesomeness. Following the trend, in CoD I favour the onli automatic sniper rilfe in there, though at times it depends on the situation of the gameplay and I have to change the weapon. Slowly but steadily, I've learnt the art of stalking and knifing ppl in CoD also haha!
So ya, needless to say my gameplay style is very extreme. I either take you out from afar, without you knowing how you died or who killed you (I get joy over that), or going up behind and its goodbye. So it took me awhile to actually figure out how it links to my personality. And the conclusion: Control. I realise I like to be in control of things, or to put it another way, I like to have things all properly planned out into as much detail as possible. Being a sniper, normally you would command the high ground, which gives you vintage over the battlefield so that you can easily spot your enemies. It gives me the sense of security, I know what's going on and everything's going according to plan. Holding the knife is the same logic, I know where you are, you dunnoe where I am, I sneak up behind you and voila, my control.
Although with this comes a huge flaw in my personality as well. I like being in control yes, which conversely means I hate being lost. Or you could say whenever something unexpectedly happens, I tend to get a nervous rush, or jus panic. That explains why I am never the super spontaneous kind of person. In game, say if I were to sneak up on you, then suddenly the guy turns around, I will panic and start to fumble, usually resulting in my death. Sniping from a far distance does allow me some space to avoid such situations, but if say my cover were to be lost and I start taking enemy fire, I can't hold down onto my sight and calmly employ my sniping skills to the ,maximum (aka I start spamming which is why I prefer automatic snipers).
While that is a huge a hole in my tactic which I am slowly trying to get past, if say in game by chance I get to survive the sudden turn of events, it dosen't take for me to re-assess the situation and get in control again.
One thing about snipers is they are never alone. You will always need to have someone guarding your back. In order to do my job, I need full trust in the ability of the person backing me up. And thats how I am in real life. I trust all my friends alot. I treasure them as I know they would treasure me, and I will always do whatever I can to make sure they're happy. That's me. A sniper might be in the backlines of the formation, but you can definitely count on their support in your time of need :)
Ok this post has gone long enough then, and I anymore materials in head to work with, so that's all folks.
Revealed on [9:18 PM]
Friday, October 29, 2010
Feeling of wet morning feet
We call it shopping, they call it marketting. That's the difference between my generation and my parents. Clean, bright and soothing music in the background, supermarkets are where we go. Dirty, noisy and smelly, the wet market is where they favour. Or so most of the teens think. being the family man, I've always followed my parents to the market (admittedly I had no choice when I first started), afterall no point letting all the muscles go to waste huh. But standing there waiting for them to buy the veges, somehow I found that this simple daily affair to some reflects how we're brought up respectively.
From the very beginning, it reflects the place of our birth, I mean literally. People from my generation can be said to be brought into this world in the clean surgical environments of high-technology equipped hospitals nowadays ( and I'm making a general statement to developed countries without any offence to those that are not). With it comes the perception of white, hygienic place where its all of standard. Our parents on the otherhand, depending on their age, could be born right there in the kampong (aka villages), not exactly clean per say. So dosen't that strike a sense of familiarity of each two?
Without a doubt, we can say that our parents huilt our generation into what it is from scratch, meaning in general, afterall Singapore ain't exactly a very old country. They seen through the changes, government and all. So its like choosing the correct the freshest veges there are that is available. They know that the vendor would have already picked out the really bad ones to throw away, but they, like how they built this country, believe more hands-on approach of doing it themselves. As for us, we are born into the system, and have lived in and trusted the system already in place. We walk into the supermarkets, grab the already nicely packaged veges, trusting the quality that comes along with the reputation of the brand name. The most we do is nick-pick to try and take the best of the best there is.
I also dare say people feel more at home in the wet markets. Its not just a place for marketting, its a place for socializing, or more in their terms, chatting. Not a surprising sight, folks can be seen talking, complete strangers, simply brought together cos they buy groceries at the same time. Somehow or rather, its a kind of feeling that we do not understand. Supermarkets are purely for convenience sake. You go in, and you come out. Its almost like fast-food, groceries style. So not surprisingly, its uncommon to hear any of such chatter in there. The most is between the cashier and you, end of story.
While the name supermarkets itself commands a sense of superiority, I beg to differ. Wet markets holds onto a beauty of its own, though sadly how many of those in my generation appreciates I don't know. As a matter of fact, I dun even noe if I will frequent such places when I am an adult, that is if there is any left for me to frequent when I am older sadly to say. But I know that for now, I like the feeling of wet morning feet :)
Revealed on [5:09 PM]
Char bee hoon...
Somewhere, in this blog, I tink i've ever analyzed the reason why I like to watch animes like gundam and kamen rider series (I tink...so much for keeping a blog). But currently I am too lazy to go look through my archives to search for it, so pardon me for my spontaneounity, afterall I like to keep track of my current thoughts.
One thing that such shows always have and is absolutely essentially in their storyline is, the good guys always win. In essence, even though at the times the lead character might get run downed, and you feel really sad or anguished, but somewhere in your heart you know that eventually good prevails. It provides the sense of hope, something that isn't really abundant in the practical society we so lived in today. I especially dun like the sense of "fear", or some might call it alertness, that army tries to instill...it isn't good for the thinking individuals.
Like the laying of electronic cables, the plan is set. Down on the field, sometimes we encounter difficulties, off the plan, good and bad. These we can overcome. Once the destination is reached, we relish in the success of comms. We feel successful, happy. Yet after that high comes a low. The lines we so painfully layed out, planned and recce for, backfires on us, leaving us with an entanglement that really fustrates the mind. And annoys my heart.
Somehow, deep down somewhere, I long for the power, the strength, the sudden burst of faith to keep holding onto the hope. But in the end, is this hope worth embracing? Like the lonely lead i've walked through the times, endured the years of holding on, had my ups which rejuvenates me, and definitely the downs that steals my heart away. I desire, I want, I think, and now I doubt. But I can't help myself.
Like the nekojita I key the codes into the phone, and I fist it onto the belt, ready. Yet the light of completion never flashes in unison...
Revealed on [6:07 AM]
Friday, October 22, 2010
Feel vs Think.
There's a progression, naturally, as we grow up, from small to-be-nurtured babies into thhe ones doing the actual nurturing. Our brains get bigger, and so does the heart (or so I think). Yet somehow the proportion of how we use our emotions over to how we control over dosen't seem to change proportionally.
As babies, being unable to express needs in words that can be understood, physical language becomes the most direct, and inhibited form of expression, and now it still is. A baby cries when he/she is hungry, smiles at your interesting face, accepts your hug if your warmth is soothing, or simply cries when you walk in. They do not hide any of their feelings, what you see is what you get. The baby either likes you, or hates you, plain as a sheet of paper. And it works vice-versa too. No point scolding or praising a baby. Show it on your face, this is what I've learnt from what little experience I had teaching kids. You either smile at them, or if need be, a simple frown could do the trick. All in all, its simple.
Then we grow up. We go through the rigors of modern today life, and learn on the way. We adapt to society, and that's how we survive. We feel the same, but on the otherhand start to think more. Practicality is placed above emotional need in the hierachy. Is this not true? You might have want a job that's been your dream, but many of us know that it does not pay the bills. We grow up, by learning new things, that only slowly encompass the "babies" in us.
Take relationship for an example. In the past, people regard the feel as sacred. It's something they all look for, something wonderful. And when they found the one, the one they love, they just do it. A simple short act of confession, a love letter, face to face, or a purposely planned "by the chance meeting"to show their affection. Much like babies, I like you, that's it. But now, the passion gets replaced with praticality. Yes the feeling's still there, but what if she/he dosen't like me? Will I be good enough? What if I get rejected? All these inhibitions act as stumbling rocks, reducing our courage to meer shuffle of the feet onli.
Say, in this day and age, a practical way to "test the water" should I say is by sms. A simple theory, if she were to reply, at least it shows that she's interested to some point. But then again, we tend to shuffle our feet somemore. What if she thinks its jus a normal sms and don't giv furthher thought, would I be over thinking things? What if she's really too busy to sms? On and on this goes, practicality after another, making it feel more like a puzzle than a passion.
I am not trying to say practicality is wrong. I understand the need to survive. Meerly just commenting on the lost of how direct people use to do things. The passions might be still there, but no longer as forward burning as before.
...is it that hard to reply a sms...
Revealed on [8:10 AM]
Friday, October 15, 2010
Fat, for self or others?
I weigh 53kg still, phew. With the training schedule in Signals Institute, I'm starting to worry that I might get fat. The lack of PT, except for our daily 1.6km run, and sitting in lect rooms all day dosen't exactly make one very fit huh. Sometimes, I do miss the PT that we get during BMT, but that's besides the point. I am now afraid of getting fat, that I try to control snacking between lessons, afterall there is no outlet to release the extra energy.
Which one day set me thinking, why am I scared of getting fat, or other ppl in general too. Then it dawned on me, how most of us are scared of getting fat, not because of our health, but because we want to look "nice". We are all scared of getting that extra flabby layer on our tummies and thigh area, with the ultimate behind it to impress other ppl. For me, its cos I am afraid of losing my shape. I know it isn't exactly health concsious, but ya. I can't help it, with so many abs floating infront of my eyes everyday. The least I could do is prevent myself from looking too cui right.
Anyway, see the difference in choices ppl make now. When given the option of chossing to be healthy so we cut down on our unhealthy foodstuff, we instead rather pick because we want look handsome/beautiful so we are scared fat. Isn't that kinda ironic. We place our lives, to say it extremely, below how we want others to look at us. To impress others first, save ourselves last. Is this how the society has now made us into, a "materialized" generation where outlook spans above all.
Some might say that there is nothing wrong with this choice, for it serves both purposes. Well that's true I guess. There's nothing wrong with wanting to look appealing, only wrong in wanting too much. Which is why I am rather against plastic surgery and all. Anyways, as long as the person does not go overboard (i've been eating my proper 3 meals in camp, and guilty of more on weekends still), it should be alright I guess.
It's jus appaling how society has shaped our choice-making process into nowadays. Looks over health, Beauty or the beast, your choice.
And eating oyster omelette at 11pm isn't exaclty fullfilling either of the objects for me huh...oh well its bookout day anyway :)
Revealed on [7:38 PM]
Saturday, October 9, 2010
This distinct blend of concoction that I just can't get enough...
We, GOF, are like this hazelnut caffe latte. Like the white froth on top, entering jc without any any idea of what's going to happen, possibly like a piece of blank paper waiting for words to be written on it. Never expecting a firm bond to formed, never trying to stop it from coming either. The smooth yet bubbled surface, as pure as the eagerness in our hearts to find friends, knowing that they will not be perfect, but neither are we. Careful as the barrista topped the drink with froth, we picked and chose our bearers of trust.
We are like the coffee beans, witholding unto the world who we truly are, until when we feel ripe and safe enough from the meticulous roasting process. Releasing the aroma of apprehension and uncertainty, we stepped into each other's life, exploding with the pleasant taste and senses that fill my life so welcoming now. Luscious thick liquid pours from the machine, flooding my my mind with rejuvenation. The bitter taste gives our taste buds an awakening, for we are not perfect but learning, as the buds get accustomed to it. Sweetness lingers on after, a different degree of appreciation between us. This taste is what we want to be given, and to give back.
Syrup lies at the bottom, individual as any of us are. Our faces reflected on the silver surface, as we stir ourselves into the already tempting drink. We add not to hinder the taste, meerly to highlight it further for our enjoyment. Swirls as this caffe latte, our lives criss-crossed and are bonded, so strongly that no matter the time tat leaves this cup waiting, will ever seperate us into what we began from.
This "drink" that I now so appreciate, so much always crave for, I never expected it. But the thing is, I want this in my life, so I called for it. I chose to want this taste, and that's just the beauty of it.
:)
Revealed on [7:21 PM]
Friday, October 8, 2010
You are???
Since tis week I have guard duty on friday nite(which is suay to the max!), I am spamming posts whenever I am able to in the lab here. Though I realise during such breaks I really dun have much things to do except to blog or facebook. I mean, there's onli so much I can see/stalk on facebook right, which I dun normally do la :), hence I've taken the time to blogging, of which I am lucky somehow this week surprisingly I am having quite abit of inspirational ideas.
But this ain't gonna one of those posts. Just wana comment on a certain finding. Ryan ever told me once that blogger allows us to check on who reads up on my blog, though I was really never that much interested as to try that function, up till now when I hv the really free time to do so. And I found some really surprisingly results.
Number 1, there is alot more reading/browsing through my blog than I expected in the first place. I dunnoe whether my stats are considered high, but for an average joe i'm satisfied :). I actually onli started this blog to keep track of the events in my life, either happy or sad. Then slowly bit by bit I begin to jot down my thoughts and experiences as well, sometimes open for all to see, at times only I know what the post really means. Which makes me wonder how come I get so many readers. I suspect it to be bored people going onto yahoo and anyhow searching some keywords and phrases, then happen to come onto my blog and clicking "back" the next second, but oh wells :)
Number 2, I get quite some international readers onboard, which is all the more puzzling cos I onli type in english, not "chim chim" eng but normal layman english still, albeit with a bit of singlish and shortforms thrown here and there. So how come I hv readers from Russia, Japan and some other countries visiting me? Haha no ideas...but nonetheless HI TO YOU ALL!!!
I am trying to say that I dun like to have other people reading my blog, I welcome thy. I was just wondering why, and then decided to post this post. So, here's a huge open invitation (thou nothing can be as open as the internet already is) to all my international readers, far and awide, HI!!! Nice to know that you were here. Hope you enjoyed whatever it is you're reading, if not oh wells. As for "passing by", erm welcome to you too!!! and bye.
Revealed on [12:41 AM]
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Nites out, or I'm out...
Nites out, probably the next best thing to book out that NSFs can look forward to. A short period of time, usually around 3-4 hours, to allow these freedom-deprived individuals (mostly men/teens you decide) to go out and breathe some civie air, without having to march instead of walk, take roundabouts when you can just walk straight or greet every other single person you see. Yup the smell of freedom does smell wonderful dosen't it.
Well initially it does. Having to spend 5, sometimes 6, days in camp, a break inbetween certainly does help to recharge the mind to carry moving on. Though recently i've been strating to wonder myself, what really is the value of a nites out. For people who lives right next to camp, its understandable that its more time with the family. For those who always put "lousy" on the canteen food vendor survey, its a re-awakening to the taste buds to what real food tastes like, normally oily, juicy and in other words fattening. Then here comes the last category that I don't get, people who go for nites out without an agenda. You ask these people who, what, where and how they're going, they dunnoe. In the end, they jus end up aimlessly walking around then coming back.
So I dun get it, if there's a nites out, why must we go out if we dun hv any plans. Like me, given a nites out, unless I am absolutely craving a particular type of food, or have people to meet with, I wun go out. Firstly, going out means spending money, which is pointless unless absolutely necessary, like on gof outings on sat. I'm not saying the pay is bad, for me the amount's ok, jus that I hope to save as much as possible for uni. Secondly, I dun see the point of people going out to eat, when we have food which I tink does not taste half as bad, in camp. The additional carbo onli serves to make u fat!!! (Come to think of it, I wonder how much I weigh now...definitely fatter). And lastly, I am learning to appreciate a little quiet time, sitting on the bed, music playing softly, and enjoying a good read. A rare habit for me now I dare say, though I am finding it harder n harder to find books that suit my taste...need to go library walking again.
But ya, just to summarise in case you, readers, got bored by that long long paragraph, I tink nites out is overated. There's no point in going out when I have nothing on my mind, or just to save cash xD maybe its just cos I dun hate ns as much as other do, or I jus need a girlfriend...ok bad idea.
Revealed on [7:40 PM]
Talk where you are able...
Looking through my NS experience so far, 5 months worth of it and 3 institututes and counting, I've realised the place we are accommadated in places a huge role in how close we are. It makes sense to say so, for the physical activities only can bond us through so much, mostly ending after afew "!@#$%^&" from each other and no more. The times that we actually get to sit down and talk in untensed environment, mostly during admin times, is the most fruitful in making the army experience a cohesive one (omg i sound like a promotor for ns).
In BMT, the bunk was a square room, with beds lined up on 2 sides of the wall, and a table in the smack right in the middle of the room. So everytime during our admin times, whatever little we have of it, we will always congregate around that little table, share food or jus talk nonsense together. That's how I got quite considerably close to bmt bunkmates.
Then next was SCS. There it was a huge rectangle room, divided into halves by a low wall partition, and a small table placed all the way beside the door. This means that most of the time the people we communicate with is only our "half" of the bunk, and wouldn't actually cross over to the other side much, resulting in a much less interactive bunk I would say. Moreover the table is so small that half the bunk can't even squeeze on it, so needless to say la, I wasn't that close to my SCS bunch. Thou having everyone from the same company in bmt really does help.
And now I'm in SI. Bunk layout, beds on either side of the room facing each other directly. Meaning we wake up and the first thing is we see the opposite bed. Meaning that now during admin time we jus "lepak" in bed, and talk with someone blasting music. So yup didn't take a while before we all got really together :)
Hence, you see why I say the environment does play a part in having good meaning conversations that really bond people. Of course the people themselves do affect one way or another too. What with a bunch of good close friends who have had conversations, or some might call it HTHT, at any possible place. School grandstand, canteen, condo pavilion, grass patches, outside of Istana, J.Co, each other's houses...basically anywhere under the sun la, too many to recall. And whoelse could this group of people be other than GOF :)
Woohoo my first post from a computer in SI.
Revealed on [1:59 AM]
Saturday, October 2, 2010
So fast, you're in reverse...
Ever looked at the wheels of a very fast moving car, say a formula 1 racer? The speed is mind-blowingly fast, yet somehow or rather, the wheels u see are moving in reverse direction. Why is tat so? Because of the high speed the wheels are actually moving at, and the limited processing speed of our brains, we can't comprehend the image of the wheels moving that fast, hence our brain tries to rectify the situation by making our eyes perceive the wheels as moving in reverse, not exactly a logical reflex huh.
We can't comprehend, so we change it, that's how our mind works. Being immersed in a society where we all strive for the best, we all know that there is no such thing as perfect. There's always more after the finishing line. So what happen's when we get presented with a near perfect situation, we start to doubt ourselves. Its so close to what we aspire for, that we make ourselves don't believe it and try to think otherwise, or in some cases what 1 of my dear friend would say, "I tink I am just nervous."
We all want that situation (don't we), yet when we get it, we hesitate. Understandable to be feeling alittle tat way, but try to get over it. Somehow we are just afraid of what we want...ironic huh.
Oh well, in the end, its up to you :) Either way i'm there for you...
Revealed on [9:05 PM]
Before first impression, comes zero expectation.
With all the uni relationship talks and HTHT with gof before, its no wonder I got an inspiration for this post. Looks come first. How many of us have had this engraved in our minds since dunnoe when. Its either pretty/cute girls or handsome tall guys that get into relationships easily, almost like with a snap of a finger. How true is this?
The main explanation being that because these people are appealing to the eyes, so people tend to open up to them more easily, with the intention of "getting to know" better, or plainly put in hopes of getting attached to these "up there" people in terms of looks. Because you are handsome, people expect you to have girls giggling around you all the time, and if your a pretty girl, perhaps lots of friend request on your facebook even. So with so many opportunities, mathematically it can be deducted/proven that these people are those that get attached first.
But whether it really lasts ultimately depends on the person's character. No point finding a pretty face, but the character is totally un-tolerable. In the end, a pretty face wrinkles when aged anyway, if your with her long enough to see it. I know some might argue that if you do not possess the "up there" look, people won't even want to talk to you, hence voiding you of the chance to get to know the character. Which brings me to my point.
You see what you want to see. Do you go into a new group looking for a pretty face to be your gf, or are you just looking for a friend? Its what you set out with in your mind that determines what you "see". If you're aiming for a gf, then no doubt the pretty girl's gonna be in your sights, save for the rest. But if all you want is a friend, one whom you can click with, will the looks even matter. Then, what you are looking for is on the inside, no longer the superficial face on the outside. So in a way, this is when the inside of the person is "pretty/handsome" to you. Your first impression of the person, whether you want her to pretty, or really "pretty", it really depends on you. Its all about what you expect to find, a girlfriend or a mate.
Give an example. Looking around your daily items, you see the wallet, or a purse in which ever sense applies to you. You can get a top of the class desinger branded beyond expensive wallet to show off. But for all you know, since you didn't open the wallet to see inside, it might be empty. Or if this example is not enough, say if there is money in the wallet. Given a $50 bucks, what would you do with it? Would you spend it on a top grade abalone cooked to perfection, or simple hawker foodfare, say even enough to share with a group of friends. I'm not trying to say which is better than which, I know its a personal opinion, but I know which I prefer. Its not how much you have, its how you want to spend the money. Its not how the girl/boy looks, its how you want to the person to look. Hope this example makes sense to you readers :)
See i told you so...
Revealed on [9:40 AM]