.:. Is this enough? .:.
Is this how giving your best is supposed to feel like?
Had alot of time to think about things on the long long MRT ride from Joo Koon all the way home. This week wasn't exactly a good week for me in tekong, lets just say things din really go my way.
Had my final IPPT on wed morning. As usual had to wake up at 4am, then prepare for all the tests. Giving my best for all the stations, I managed to attain gold standard for all the stations thus far. But then, it just had to happen. It rained, and not only did it rain, it POURED. It rained like never before, rained the whole day! (Yes its the same day as when Singapore Orchard Road got flooded) And because of this, we couldn't do our 2.4km run. For those who do not know, the 2.4km run is supposed to be done like within a certain time after the stations. So yes, because of the rain, my gold standard went down the drain like tat! I was sooooooo sian for that day...
Then the day after tat I had my SOC test. Because I have to reIPPT, I had to protect the blisters on my hand for the next IPPT. So this time I used gloves. And then, very sadly, the gloves did me down. First time I was using the glove, but then the gloves were totally slippery and I could't climb up the rope. By the time I removed my gloves to try again, my arms totally cui already...So ya failed it. No need to elaborate on how sian I was feeling already...
I entered the week feeling up, gonna try my best for the IPPT n SOC, but in the end this happened, despite the fact I did try my best already. So what happened. I tot that when a person tried their best, they are supposed to feel good even when they fail, cos they did their best already. Or is it simply because I didn't gave it my all. Yet how does one know what is their best, or some say, their all. Everytime we are par-taking in an activity itself, we feel the pain, the fatigue, the mental anguish to battle the very thought to give up. Then immediately after we finish, we plonk ourselves on the ground, and suddenly all those feelings disappear, and we are all energised again. So does this mean that we havent actually gave our ALL in that activity? Who can tell what is "your best"?
One thing I know for sure, NS certainly does not allow us to give our best in terms of spending time with our families. Out of 7 days in a week, we get like at max 2 days to spend time with our families, and this does not include timing to be split with friends or gfs. What makes me think so. Because this week, one of my bunkmates had to leave the island in the middle of the nite on a special ferry because someone in his family jus passed away. Can you imagine waking up in the middle of the nite, seeing the guy packing his bag and leaving, and then only the next day you find out that is the reason. And the nite b4 there he was jus happily talking to the person. Talking to family members on the phone is definitely nothing compared to meeting them in person. I can only imagine how sad he must be feeling...
Ok maybe its the sum of all these things that are making me, and thus this post, so emo.
On the lighter side, I know something that is the Best, thats the support that family and friends can give, whether they know it anot. Being away from society for 5 days a week, one of the most important things to keep me sane is the smses with friend and the nitely call to my family. Even though we dun talk alot thru the phone in that short period of time, but being able to hear their voices is super comforting. And also being able to sms friends, regardless of the content, its jus simply super comforting. Its what makes me go on through the day, hoping to read the smses, or jus to simply go back to bunk to see the photos up on my mirror. And also the outings with gof, although we dun do as much as post A-levels, but seeing them alone is more than sufficient enough me. I also dunnoe how to describe it anymore. I am just grateful.
Revealed on [7:09 AM]
_____________
