Me as in me

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Saturday, October 31, 2009

.:. Sacrifice .:.

How A-Levels is making me feel these days...

Since I don't know when, I've been studying in school for even longer hours than a normal school day. I guess its the environment that makes it condusive for studying ba, but as time goes by, as A-levels come closer, I start to feel alot of things...

One obvious sign is my increasing paranoia. I am getting increasing...erm...nervous...daily. Going to school to study, in a bid to try to complete whatever I have set myself to do. But increasingly, I begin to doubt my learning. Yes its a scary fact I know. Everytime i try to memorise something, I will start to wonder if its really there, if its gonna remain there till A-levels, or will it just walk out on me. And from this, I try to make myself memorise harder. The only reason I can pin for this is...is fear too strong a word to use here...the gitters of A-levels coming. After studying for 2 years, I certainly wouldn't want to crash it now. But ya, its this paranoia that's getting to me. Another reason I can think of is the fact that I am pessimistic in nature, my close friends would know this. I always tend to see the bad side of things, as the years go by, I think it is because I am scared to raise my hopes too high, to feel that I would be able to get high grades, only to see otherwise when the results come. And sometimes, I get the feeling that its this lack of confidence that is causing my downfall...

Secondly, its the lack of family time I'm feeling. Having been in school, i practically treat my (I even typed it as "the" before this) home as just a place to sleep. I reach home bout 9.45, bath, study abit more then sleep. Wake up and school. I hardly get time to talk to anyone in my family. And the repercussions of this is getting...bad...

Let's just take today for example. Saturdays I would go home for lunch rather than eat out. Coming back to eat lunch, I start to wonder when was the last time I actually sat down with my family to eat a meal like that. That 1hr of lunch then was just pure great. Also, it appears my grandma is sick, and I don't know! I mean ya I know she hasn't been feeling well lately, but the fact that I didn't know she went to see doctor and nowadays have no appetite for anything is scaring me. Am I distanting myself unknowingly because of A-Levels? And somemore, went out with my family for dinner today at the new CityMall. Ya but half the time, my mind was econs, trying to complete my schedule for the day. I just could not concentrate, as the content kept swimming in my head. In the end, I had to convince myself that i will shift the schedule to sunday to complete it, then i can start to relax abit. How scary is that. Max sianz...

So now I am thinking, is it all worth the sacrifice? For A-Levels results, I am sacrificing this much...I know its I who I wanted to study in school, I am not blaming A-Levels, but its just that I am wondering if the A's, if I'm gonna get any, is worth this much. I just don't know...

Here's a thanks to those who've been encouraging me all this time and have been hearing me complain, I really appreciate it, I really do.

Here's a song that I feel is appropriate for this...enjoy with english lyrics...

Is it all worth it???

Revealed on [8:11 AM]

_____________

Gundam Freak

No one ever knows boku no oto
Doko made mo shinka suru
Mada shiranai jibun ga mezameteku
________________________________________

Name: Dalvin

He values friendships to the highest degree. He may seem quiet to those who do not know him, but for the fortunate who do they know he is always there for them whenever they need it, wherever they need it. He puts great importance in his honour, and will do anything to uphold it.

Luvs:
Family
Friends
Teachers
Gundam!!!
Japanese Music
Kamen Rider
Anime

Training academies:
St Gabriel's Primary School -> 1D,2D,3B,4B,5A,6A
St Gabriel's Secondary School -> 1E3,2E3,3E1,4E1
Yishun Junior College(1st 3 months) -> P09
Nanyang Junior College -> 0804

________________________________________
No one ever knows my sound
I everlastingly evolve
A part of myself that I wasn't aware of is awakening.

the One-Winged Angel
Imperfection at its best

Taiyou ni akogarete
Takaku takaku tonda tsubasa
Sono netsu ni tokasareta
Fukai umi e to ochite yuku

Odayaka na minamo ochita namida no hitoshizuku ga nami wo tate
Sono nami wa kaze ni fukare haruka kanata ni made mo todoku you ni

Tsuki ga sotto kata wo tataki
minamo utsushite kureta kiiro michi
________________________________________________

Looking up to the sun
Flying high, up high on wings
The heat dissolves them
and he falls into the deep sea.

A single tear drops into the serene water, creating a wave
That wave is blown by the wind and reaches far away.

The moon gently massages my shoulders
reflecting a yellow path on the water surface.

________________________________________________

Slowly carving a path through the world by on his own...